Heaven... please
Well... its been a while since I've posted anything. I've kind of put the women's issues on the back burner. It just hasn't been at the forefront of my mind. Other things have...
Depression hits me at least once a month, sometimes worse than others. I wake up with this, I-don't-want-to-do-today feeling. I've had that feeling all week. It comes and goes, but doesn't seem to go too far. The sins of the world, this place not being our home, and my inability to make this life work is much more real to me during these times. I've noticed it most this week in the area of relationships.
Everyone wants good friends. Everyone wants to love their friends well and be loved well. Yet we suck at it. Differing communication styles, differing personalities, sin, and different needs all get in the way. Its crazy to me that two people who really enjoy eachother's friendship can want very different things in that friendship and struggle to receive the love that the other has for them. We all give and receive love so differently. Its pretty disheartening.
I'm really into personality tests, especially the Myers Briggs. I read once that my personality- ENFJ tends to idealize friendships, put their friends up on a pedastool, and want to believe that they can do no wrong. I have found this to be true. It took me a long time to realize that I don't just get upset with my best friends b/c of a lack of understanding. That sometimes I get upset with them b/c no matter how long we communicate about something, we are just not on the same page. We don't just misunderstand eachother, we don't agree. I hate that.
I see this over and over again in the movies: two people clearly love eachother, but b/c of pride or whatever, they just can't get there. They can't make it work. They can't receive what the other person can give. Ugh! And yet we are all imperfect beings with imperfect friends. And this just isn't as easy as it could be.
All of this reminds me that this place doesn't work. Friendships don't always work. This place is not going to do it for me. I need heaven.
Sorry for the downer.
Depression hits me at least once a month, sometimes worse than others. I wake up with this, I-don't-want-to-do-today feeling. I've had that feeling all week. It comes and goes, but doesn't seem to go too far. The sins of the world, this place not being our home, and my inability to make this life work is much more real to me during these times. I've noticed it most this week in the area of relationships.
Everyone wants good friends. Everyone wants to love their friends well and be loved well. Yet we suck at it. Differing communication styles, differing personalities, sin, and different needs all get in the way. Its crazy to me that two people who really enjoy eachother's friendship can want very different things in that friendship and struggle to receive the love that the other has for them. We all give and receive love so differently. Its pretty disheartening.
I'm really into personality tests, especially the Myers Briggs. I read once that my personality- ENFJ tends to idealize friendships, put their friends up on a pedastool, and want to believe that they can do no wrong. I have found this to be true. It took me a long time to realize that I don't just get upset with my best friends b/c of a lack of understanding. That sometimes I get upset with them b/c no matter how long we communicate about something, we are just not on the same page. We don't just misunderstand eachother, we don't agree. I hate that.
I see this over and over again in the movies: two people clearly love eachother, but b/c of pride or whatever, they just can't get there. They can't make it work. They can't receive what the other person can give. Ugh! And yet we are all imperfect beings with imperfect friends. And this just isn't as easy as it could be.
All of this reminds me that this place doesn't work. Friendships don't always work. This place is not going to do it for me. I need heaven.
Sorry for the downer.
posted by Amanda at 6:44 AM
2 Comments:
What makes it really hard is when you think about those one or two friendships you had that were really precious, but now are no more. It's like getting a taste of something really good that you can't afford. Only God can make it work and you wonder why He doesn't do it for you more often.
But I wonder .. Jesus did say that our Father is better than evil men who know how to give good gifts to their children. Point is, and this may sound REALLY cheesy, but couldn't we begin praying for friends? It sounds so needy and childish. Maybe that's why I don't do it. Maybe we should ask together.
Thanks for your downer. :-)
You have put words to my reality and I appreciate it, it is good to feel understood in all that disappoints. I have been thinking more about heaven than ever before. I guess I have always longed for it, but have just not named it this particular longing for heaven. But I am homesick so bad. You are not a downer, but one who understands the ache of the soul with other people.
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