Career Crunch
I've heard my more corporate friends talk about the internal struggle between having kids and moving up the corporate ladder. I didn't really know how they felt until this past week. Now that may seem strange to many as I'm not married nor pregnant, but just stick with me.
I've considered going back to school since I graduated undergrad. I love learning and getting a masters and/or a phd has always been very appealing. Yet for one reason or another, it hasn't happened. I didn't want to rack up huge loans only to continue making little money in the non-profit world. I didn't want to leave friends, home, job, kids I mentor, etc.
The past week and a half I've been seriously revisiting this idea of grad school and getting a phd. I've been surprised at how stressful this decision seems. And I'm realizing that it has to do with that whole mommy/family thing. (Also good friends, good job, good church, good house)
For the past 10 years I've had it in the back of my mind that any day now I'm going to be meeting my husband and getting married. I didn't want to go to school, especially into a 5 year phd program, b/c that would be admitting that I'm putting off getting married and having kids. I mean... now that would make me 38 when I would finish. I value having a family much more than academia.
However, I cannot control when I get married. Nor do I want to start a family while single. If the choice is between being single and not going to school vs. being single with a PhD (where I'm able to teach on the collegiate level and learn) then I choose the latter.
I love the idea of going to school. I want to learn more. I want to teach adults. I want to have skills and information that I don't have now. And yet it makes me really sad to think about letting go of the dream of marriage and family for another several years.
I hope this all makes sense. I'm still processing and my thoughts feel pretty fuzzy.
I've considered going back to school since I graduated undergrad. I love learning and getting a masters and/or a phd has always been very appealing. Yet for one reason or another, it hasn't happened. I didn't want to rack up huge loans only to continue making little money in the non-profit world. I didn't want to leave friends, home, job, kids I mentor, etc.
The past week and a half I've been seriously revisiting this idea of grad school and getting a phd. I've been surprised at how stressful this decision seems. And I'm realizing that it has to do with that whole mommy/family thing. (Also good friends, good job, good church, good house)
For the past 10 years I've had it in the back of my mind that any day now I'm going to be meeting my husband and getting married. I didn't want to go to school, especially into a 5 year phd program, b/c that would be admitting that I'm putting off getting married and having kids. I mean... now that would make me 38 when I would finish. I value having a family much more than academia.
However, I cannot control when I get married. Nor do I want to start a family while single. If the choice is between being single and not going to school vs. being single with a PhD (where I'm able to teach on the collegiate level and learn) then I choose the latter.
I love the idea of going to school. I want to learn more. I want to teach adults. I want to have skills and information that I don't have now. And yet it makes me really sad to think about letting go of the dream of marriage and family for another several years.
I hope this all makes sense. I'm still processing and my thoughts feel pretty fuzzy.
posted by Amanda at 11:40 AM
1 Comments:
While I am not a woman, I certainly feel your "crunch". It is yet to be seen what the Lord has in store for His saints.
I hated the idea of going to seminary. I mean, I HATED IT! But now that I'm (we're) here, I can understand the Lord's wisdom in this choice that I made so freely.
I pray that the Lord would bring rest to your heart even as you press on.
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